Your True Independence Begins With Self-Love

I used to BEG people to love me, not always with my words, but with my actions, and sometimes...even with my thoughts:

I mean it:  the battle cry was, if not verbal but in silence, "PLEASE...LOVE me!"

Be it business, personal or pleasure.

All of which is really kind of crazy, in the big scheme of things.

Although I was raised in humble beginnings, I have also been blessed in so many ways.

And if I mentioned those ways, to some, that would appear to be immodest.  So I will set those facts aside for the moment.

But the bottom-line truth is this:  I, nor anyone else, should never have to "beg" anyone to do anything.  A wise man once said, "Love is not a doormat,"  and he was right.  Your self-respect should never allow people to walk all over you, be it personal or professional relationships.  And even though it may sometimes appear to others, that you are walking all over them, many times that is not the case at all.  it is most likely just your A-type personality in full-swing to those who are simply lacking the self-confidence to live as fully as you do.

And more of the bottom-line truth, at least with regards to myself, is as follows:

Usually, not all the time, but usually I've come to realize that the people who don't like me are not nice people in the first place, or they're intimadated by my A-type personality, or somehow feel unworthy of my attention, or they lack confidence or worse, they lack self-love.

Again, not all the time....but this is usually the case.

I recall my Internship as a Page at NBC in the "big '80s" (which is fully addressed in my book, NBC & ME: My Life As A Page In A Book (BearManor Media, 2008).

My personality has always been "big," and my hair used to be big, too, particularly in the "big '80s," when everyone's hair was big.

And allthough my hair has now calmed down, my personality is still big - and I'm proud of it.

But that pride has always been confronted by a certain prejudice, especially when I was a Page.

Duriung that time, certain individuals thought I was too "cocky," and that I wasn't respectful.

And I was like, "Uh?!  Uhm...did you ever meet my Mom?  You think such a beautiful soul would allow her child to be anything but loving-kind?"

But still, my loving-kind nature was misperceived, because of my "big personality."

Then, came the Los Angeles Times article about NBC Pages.  Essentially, my "voice" was the only positive "voice" in the article.  I was the only page interviewed that praised the program and the essentially, the network.

As such, the day that article was published, all the nay-sayers who "attacked" me, now praised me.

After the article appeared, apparently, there wasn't anything wrong with my personality now.  Now, I was just fine. 

But we once again return to the bottom line truth, which is:  I wasn't acting any different than before the article was published.  It was merely the perception of OTHERS that had changed.

So, really the moral of this "big" and "small" story is this:

There are always going to be people in this world who don't like or appreciate you; people you have hurt, who can and never will find it in their hearts to forgive you for whatever slight or severe wrong you have or they believe you have done upon them.

And that's okay.  We all have "contracts" with one another before we come into this world.  Our relationships are planned, for better or for worse, before we are born, and we can't control any of that.

But what you CAN control is how you respond to others, and the best way to do that...as is the best way to do anything, is with Love.

Don't beg for anyone's love and respect, but just share your joy.  Don't crave anyone's love and acceptance, just be great where you are.  Love YOURSELF enough to know that you should always do the right thing.

If you're the one reaching out to your community, making every attempt to unite people, be it in the office or the home, in your family or at some global summit....if YOU are the one who is making every attempt to make peace and reconciliation, and still, you do not receive any response from your intendent, then just let it go.  Just remember: you're the good person who is trying to do the "good" thbing.  And "No response" is most probably part of the plan that came into this world with you in regard to that particular individual or group who you are trying to please, and who is not responding in any positive way to what you bring to the table. 

But you can't force the issue, and again and ultimately, you should never force ANY issue.  That's just not how the universe works.

Love and self-love have nothing to do with force.  Respect and self-respect have nothing to do with force.  Acceptance and self-acceptance have nothing to do with force.

So, may only the FORCE - of self-reliance - be with you.

In doing so, you seek nothing from no one, and you discover tranquality.

Confucius once said, "Lose expectation, gain everything," and I couldn't have said it better.

Early Endorsements for TWITCH UPON A STAR

"Heavily researched, expertly executed, and handled with reverence, Twitch Upon A Star is a magical revelation about one of the most popular and endearing performers of all time. It's clear that Herbie J Pilato not only knows what he's talking about, but that he also cares very deeply about his subject, from a personal, yet objective perspective...No two ways about it, this book is a class act about a classic actress."

-          Danny Gold, film and television producer

"I encourage everyone to read Pilato's astounding, loving, riveting, eye-opening book."

-          Lydia Cornell, star of classic TV's Too Close For Comfort,

comedienne, and women and child's advocate

"The way Herbie J Pilato tells it, Elizabeth Montgomery just didn't have guts, she had balls. She was kind to those she felt deserved it but had no qualms about setting others straight. Who'd'a thunk that sweet little Samantha had such chutzpah?"

-          Larry Brody, TV writer and producer

(Baretta, Diagnosis: Murder, The Fall Guy, and more)

“Intricately revealing, well written and hard to put down, Herbie J Pilato’s Twitch Upon a Star captures the essence and life of Elizabeth Montgomery. He leads readers on an intriguing journey into the loves, politics and performances of this multi-talented actor - a very magical journey, yet based in the real emotion of love.  I heartily recommend this well rounded read for fans, friends and all who value the life of a gifted, complex and bewitching woman.

-          Kathy Garver, film, TV and stage star (Cissy on the classic Family Affair TV series);

author, The Family Affair Cookbook and Surviving Cissy; speaker.

“Not only has Bewitched’s Samantha Stephens influenced hundreds of female TV characters and the actresses who portrayed them, but Elizabeth Montgomery’s lasting influence on Hollywood and society has been far greater than the TV series that made her a legend. Herbie J Pilato, one of the great students of classic TV, spins a compelling narrative that brings to life a magical TV series and it’s even more magical star.  It’s a true Hollywood story, and more than any book I’ve read Twitch Upon a Star goes behind-the-scenes to capture a fascinating period in history when television was coming of age.”

-          Jack Myers, media ecologist, author and producer

"Much more than just a celebrity biography Twitch Upon A Star relays a spiritual quest that can speak to anyone.  Retelling the story and work of a life can activate an awareness of the beauty and purpose in our own unfoldment.  Pilato accomplishes this masterfully and magically, uncovering such depth and absorbing reflection with authenticity and vigorous charm to reveal Elizabeth Montgomery's journey as a true cultural treasure.  This book is magnificent!"

-          Thomas Warfield, performing artist, founder of PeaceArt International