Sunday, July 29, 2012

Place That Christmas Tree In Your Window

We’ve all lost loved ones.

Certainly, anyone who knows me or who has read my blogs over these last few years, knows that I have lost my parents, first my Dad, in 1995, and then my Mom, in 2008.  I was devastated in each case, mostly because they became more than my mother and father.  They became my best friends and, in essence, my children.  Somehow, the roles were reversed:  I was no longer their son, but I was their parent.  They became my whole world and, in looking back, I would not have done anything differently.

But today, my Mom and Dad are in Heaven, living fully, in the glorious Light of Love’s embrace.  And I am on Earth, living fully the life God gave me through my parents.  To live any other way would be a disservice to God, to my parents, and to myself.

Excessive grief in the loss of any loved one serves no purpose.  We may think it does, and some may even hope it does, in order to shield them from living, and to use it as an excuse not to go on living, fully or otherwise.  

But assuredly, no loved one who has left this world would want any of those they have left behind to grieve.

First and foremost, those in Heaven, know nothing of grief on Earth.  The mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, cousins, friends or co-workers who have left this world for a higher plain of existence knows nothing but joy, happiness, grace and Love….every good thing.  And grief does not fall into that category.

But if your loved one was indeed aware of any excessive grief on your part, and they are not, they would be disappointed. 

Here are a few instances to help with this understanding:

In the mid-1980s, I knew of a middle aged woman who lost her son when he was only seven years old.  It has been said that no parent should have to bury their child, and losing such a young child takes that point even further.  In any case, there is no question this woman misses her beautiful son every day.  But she did not and has not stop living.

She had a portrait painted of him, and placed it in her living room, above the sofa, for her and all to see whenever they passed by it.  She blesses his image, she sends Love to his heart and soul and Heaven, but she no longer grieves his spiritual passing to the point of denying her own human life on earth.

I know of another woman who lost a loved one, this time – her middle aged husband, to a heart attack.  It was her husband’s dream to move to from their hometown of El Paso, Texas to a small town in Virginia.  So when he died, the woman decided to live out her dead husband’s dream, and leave everyone she loved in El Paso, uproot her own three children from all they loved, and moved to Virginia…to live out her dead husband’s dream.

Meanwhile, her dead husband was now alive, living fully in Heaven…dancing with the angels, singing with the choir of Love beings…embracing the growth of his beautiful soul, no longer tainted by the trappings of an earthly existence.

But his earthly wife was still living his long-lost and forgotten dream of moving to Virginia, while she was missing everyone and everything she knew in El Paso.  What’s more, her children were devastated, if ever so silently, of making the move.   And decade after decade, they sequestered themselves in Virginia, made no real friends and, all the while, spent thousands of dollars in telephone bills talking to their remaining loved ones on Earth, who were still in El Paso.

Then, one by one, this woman’s family left this world, first, a sister and brother in law who had followed her to Virginia (by way of her dead husband’s dream), then her own daughter, who never fully lived the life she was born to live in this world.

And today, that woman’s son is in his 70s, living nowhere near the full life his father  or his mother (now both in Heaven) would have assuredly wished him to live on Earth.

I know of yet another woman, this one back in Rochester, who lost her husband to a deathly disease.  She could not recover from her grief.  Every day, since he has died, in 2008, she visits the cemetery, and places flowers on his grave.  Every day…without fail; and whenever she talks about him, she grieves.  She cries.  She even sometimes wails. 

But meanwhile, her husband is living fully in Heaven, knowing nothing of his earthly wife’s grief, as she continues to live so sadly on a daily basis – now, nearly five years after his mortal demise.

Into this mix, I know of a man, who lost his father.  This man lives in Portland, in a big apartment complex, with a courtyard setting.  And every Christmas, this man used to place a beautifully decorated tree in the window, for all the other residents to savor and enjoy upon each glance to this man’s front window.

But every Christmas since this man’s father died there has been no Christmas tree, and all the joy that was experienced by all those residents in that apartment complex has been lost, because the man has refused to place a Christmas tree in the window every December, falsely thinking this is some kind of honor to his dead father’s memory.  When, again, his dead father, now in Heaven, has no memory of any sad thing on Earth.

Meanwhile, this man’s grief is only increased by the loss of joy his neighbors and their children now feel by not seeing a tree in his window at the start of ever winter season.

In short, extended grieving serves no purpose to any being on earth or in Heaven.

But living fully, on Earth and in Heaven, serves EVERY purpose.

So let your loved ones go, embrace those who are still living, and shine the beautiful Light that lives inside you.  And you can do that by living your life to the fullest, by placing portraits of your sofas, and Christmas trees in your windows, so you - and everyone else in your world - can bask in the great bonding-glow you still share with immortal loved ones now singing in Heaven, as the rest of us wait patiently to reap the benefits of your glorious dance of life on Earth.

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