Thursday, April 14, 2011

Your Relationships Must Evolve

I consider myself a relatively happy person.

I've had my share of various ups and downs, good times, great times, major traumas, minor set-backs...the stuff of life we all experience in relationship to our fellow human beings.

Yet in relating to others - our relationships in general and in particular - must evolve.

For example, it took me years to realize that a particular relationship with which I was "IN"-volved was not "E"-volving - and that it never would evolve or change - for the better.

I realized I made many mistakes early on in the relationship, and I tried to improve things. In fact, I went out of my way to work at the contribute to it in as many ways as possible. To be as cheerful as I give favor to the bend over backwards in any way possible.

And for a while, the response was positive to my improved behavior. But then, after a time, all the good I tried to bring to the relationship didn't seem to matter or worse was forgotten. And the relationship went back to being abusive...for me.

I thought to myself, "What's going on? I was wrong. I tried to fix that. I tried to be as pleasing as possible. I admitted my mistakes. But now, it's like all my efforts were in vain."

Because I am a hopeful person, and I did not want to give up hope with this particular relationship, I hung in there.

Problem is, I nearly hung myself in the process, or almost put myself out to dry, or at least kept on placing myself on the tracks while the train kept riding by.

Truth of the matter is this: Love is not a doormat, and it serves no one when you are abused by what may be very toxic people in your life, be they friends, family members, co-workers, or associates in any area of your existence.

I believe that people can change, always for the better.

But if they cannot, and these particular negative non-changers are in your life, then they quite simply should not be anywhere near you.

Ultimately, relationships should evolve...they should grow. As the relationship continues, after weeks, months, years, the love and respect that was initially the basis for the relationship should not only continue, but increase. Not decrease and get worse.

It's an ancient over-used cliche, but life really IS too short to have anything but positive, motivating, healthy relationships in any category. You should not waste your precious time trying to change the negativity in others, or hoping that those who are abusive or unhappy in relating to you will change.

If the relationship is abusive in any way, shape or form (particularly, of course, in the obvious ways of physical or verbal abuse), then get out of that relationship. Immediately.

But exit that association with respect for all those concerned. Bless the individual or individuals on their way, because, basically, it's really nobody's fault when a relationship goes bad. It's part of life in this broken world. Everything and everyone can't be fixed automatically. That's just not the way it works here.

The truth is, just because a relationship has gone sour or south, that doesn't mean it has not evolved. The evolution of a relationship does not necesarily have to be positive all the way through. It's always nice when it is, but such is not the case.

Emotional, psychological and to some extent, spiritual growth may still transpire by leaving a negative relationship. The negative, abusive, unhappy person is no longer in your life, and they may give thought to why that has transpired, which in turn, may lead them to one day change for the better.

Either way, that person's evolvement, for better or for worse, is not your concern. Your concern is developing your own happiness in order to share that happiness with the world, and yes - to make it a better place.

Once everyone starts focusing on their own happiness - in an unselfish way - and ideally, adding that happiness to the global scale, then a true EVOLUTION of relating will transpire...for the highest good of all those concerned...on the entire planet.

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